The Hell You Are
by CheyBaby
Summary: What if Rachel Berry wasn't the confident diva everyone knew her as but a self conscious teenage girl in pain? What happens when one day it's all too much? How will she deal with it? Part two in The Blank You Are Series!
1. The Hell You Are

_**Disclaimer: No matter how much I dream, I do not own Glee.**_

_**Here's another story for you guys. I know some of you wanted me to continue the last one but this one wrote itself and I hope you enjoy it. There is a possibility I will continue this so you gotta tell me what you think and what you want. :P I'd like to thank everyone who reads this, it means so much to me and I'd also like to thank my beta on this one Gleek1990. She was awesome even though she's mad at me, I'm sure you'll see why. :P Anyway, I'll shut up so you can go read and hopefully enjoy! Thanks! :D**_

A lot could be said about Rachel Berry; she's annoying, loud mouthed, opinionated, kind of sneaky hot, and many other, more humiliating, things. Although, if asked, most would say she's strong, confident, and carefree, but in reality it was all an act. The girl that walked the halls with her head held high and slush dripping from her chin and into her bra was a carefully constructed character Rachel adapted when her fathers stopped returning from business trips and the insults grew more vicious.

In all honesty, Rachel Berry was an empty shell, a living zombie. There was really only one thing keeping her from giving up completely; that was glee club. But soon even they started turning on her. Constantly putting her down and ignoring her; but when she decided to let go a little and let others have solos that's when the trouble began. They started taking all the solos and eventually they pushed her to the back, claiming that her dancing skills were best displayed on the high rise. Everything was peaceful though and that's all she ever wanted.

All that peace came tumbling down one Wednesday morning when Rachel decided she wants to sing. She hasn't had a solo in over a month and she is feeling emotional, but when she asks permission groans can be heard throughout the room. She looks pleadingly at Mr. Schue. She needs to express herself or she'll explode, but once again he lets her down.

"I'm sorry Rachel, we really should talk about sectionals, maybe tomorrow."

Rachel's heart sinks when Mercedes speaks up, "Or maybe we'll get lucky and she'll loose her voice."

Rachel's cheeks burn and her eyes sting with oncoming tears at the hums of agreement that can be heard. She gets up and sullenly walks to the door with her head hanging down and her hair creating a shield, hiding the tears leaking from her eyes.

As she steps out of the room, three waiting jocks deliver the coup de grace, a triple slushy facial. Now covered in a mixture of slushies, Rachel slowly makes her way to the restroom amongst her laughing peers. When she gets there she makes sure no one is inside before locking herself in the handicap stall. She sits on the floor and pulls out a small notepad and begins to write.

When she's finished she places it on the toilet and pulls a make up bag from her school bag. As she pulls a fresh razor blade from inside the bag she silently prays her fathers know she loves them. They may not love her but she loves them. Slowly guiding the blade over the smooth skin of her arm she leaves bright red gashes with blood oozing out and makes a cut for everyone who has hurt her. Twelve for glee club, Karofsky, Azimio, Sue Sylvester, and a few random ones for random people before making her final four.

Across one wrist she slashes open two deep wounds, one for each father. On the other wrist she repeats the process though this time for Shelby and the collective of WMHS. Taking pride in the fact that she'd been able to do one thing right she lets her eyes slip closed and the blood pour from her wounds. Continuing to bask in the feeling, she doesn't hear the opening of the door, the slip of the lock, or the shocked gasps.

However, she does feel hands moving on her arms so she struggles to stop them, fighting for her freedom. Forcing her eyes open she stares into Quinn's hazel eyes and whispers, "I love you." just before slipping away to place of true peace and happiness. Seeing the note Quinn instructs Santana to apply pressure as she picks it up and dials 911 at the same time.

_Dear Reader, my name is Rachel Berry, I am seventeen years old and I have lost my life to needless bullying. Please learn from this and ban slushies permanently and instate a no bullying policy. Most teen suicide is caused because of bullying. I am now a statistic; please learn from it._

_Sincerely,_

_Rachel Berry*_

Quinn drops down on the other side of Rachel to apply pressure to her other arm. _The hell you are. _


	2. The Hell I Will

_**Hey Guys! So, I was compelled by your response to continue with this. I hope you all enjoy this and please keep telling me what you'd like to see. I tried to incorporate everything you guys said into this and I hope I have done it well. Well, enjoy!**_

Quinn Fabray is a lot of things: selfish, kind of power hungry, prudish, and even a bitch, but despite what everyone else thinks she is not heartless. She hates knowing that she had a hand in what Rachel did. She hates what Rachel did to herself.

Despite the bullying she'd done to the tiny diva she's had a crush on her since freshman year, but because of her father she had to fight the attraction. The only logical thing she could think of was to cast a bad light upon the other girl.

It hadn't worked though, thanks to Finn and the stupid glee club. After her mother kicked her father out she stopped bullying Rachel and had mostly stopped everyone else. But she couldn't be everywhere Rachel was, attacking people who bullied her, even though she tried.

Even so, she is not an idiot, she knows it'd take a long time for Rachel to forgive her, and her chances at a relationship were probably nonexistent by now.

_Maybe that's best. She deserves better._ She thinks to herself. One thing was for sure though; she'd protect the fragile girl at all costs from now on.

That's why when the glee club all runs into the hospital waiting room asking about Rachel, she snapped. "Shut up! You don't even care about her! I don't know why you're even here, you all should be happy." Quinn holds up her hand when Mercedes opens her mouth to speak. "Especially Mercedes and Kurt, I mean if Rachel dies you'll get your precious solos. Oh, wait, you already have those don't you? You already have what you want so why are you here?"

Quinn scowls at them until Mr. Schue finally grows a pair and attempts to reasons with the furious girl. "Quinn, you're not being fair to them. We all care about Ra-"

The blonde's mouth hangs open for a moment until the anger catches up, her blood is boiling, steam is bursting from her ears, and somewhere a train whistle is screeching. He couldn't really be saying that, could he?

"I'm not being fair to them? Where were you when they weren't being fair to her? Oh, that's right, you were right there with them. I mean really people? Are you seriously here right now? You're just as bad as Karofsky and Azimio. I know I was one of her biggest tormentors but at least I know when to stop!" Taking a deep, calming breath Quinn continues in a sad whisper. "We're supposed to be a family but we've treated her like shit. We rallied around Kurt and hell Rachel set up Operation Stop Karofsky but we didn't blink an eye when it was her. We all bitch and moan about the shit we have been through but then turn around and do worse to her, and for me it ends right now."

Gently wiping the tears streaming down her face Quinn silently walks to the doctor standing a few feet away, obviously waiting for her to finish. "How is she? Is she okay?" The doctor flips through his chart before speaking. "She lost a significant amount of blood but physically she will heal. However, there is evidence that this has been going on for quite some time. She will need support and therapy. We could not reach her fathers but we were able to contact her mother. She will be here shortly."

Quinn nods sadly. She'd known Rachel would need help but she also knew that Shelby being there would only add salt to the wounds. "May I see her?" He nods and leads her to the broken girl's room.

Slowly cracking an eye open Rachel is immediately blinded by light. Assuming she's dead she lets a grin break out on her face. Death meant freedom, peace, possibly love, and that she'd finally done something right. "Rach?"

The grin on her face crumples into a confused frown. Quinn couldn't be dead too, could she? Rachel had noticed Quinn being nicer to her and sometimes sticking up for her, but that didn't mean she'd kill herself too just because she had does it? Finally opening her eyes and looking around she realizes she's in the hospital, causing her to groan.

When her eyes finally settle on Quinn her heart breaks a little bit more; sitting in the chair next to the bed is an exhausted looking Quinn. Her clothes are rumpled and her hair has been thrown up in a messy ponytail. Rachel clears her dry throat to speak. "What are you doing here Quinn? How long have you been here?"

Quinn stands and grabs a cup of water off the table next to her chair helping Rachel take a drink. "I didn't want to leave. I was worried about you, I still am. I've been here since Wednesday. Today is Friday. Rach, why did you do it?"

Rachel sighs and rolls onto her side to face the blonde girl better. "I believe you already know the answer but I will clarify. I've always had to act tough and confident. I get that I'm not pretty and I talk too much, but the cruelty was uncalled for. I guess I just figured I could deal with it until I go to New York, but when my fathers stopped returning home I couldn't handle it any longer. When the glee club started doing the same thing my fathers did, I snapped. Thank you for staying Quinn but I am fine so you may leave now."

Quinn shakes her head. "No, I am not leaving. I know I was a bitch to you and I don't deserve any type of relationship with you but I care about you. Rachel, I-I love you."

Ignoring the pain burning its way up her arm and through the rest of her body Rachel reaches out and wipes the tears from the blonde's cheeks. "I love you too Quinn but I don't think I can be with you; at least not just yet. I don't trust easily anymore." Closing her eyes and leaning into the hand on her cheek, Quinn nods.

"I understand Rach. I want to prove myself to you. From now on, no one will ever bully you again, I promise. I will protect you."

Rachel sighs, she wants to believe Quinn but she can't bring herself to put faith in something so unpredictable. "I suppose I will be relocated since my fathers are gone, do you happen to know who I will be living with?"

Quinn bites her lip, clearly struggling with the decision of telling her. "Shelby stepped forward. She wants you to live with her. So I guess you're going to live with her."

Rachel's jaw drops open and she rips her hand from Quinn's face causing her to hiss from the pain. "The hell I will!"


	3. The Hell You Do

_**Hey! So, here's a new chapter. I know it's short and I know most of you will have you pitchforks ready but I ain't bothered and you shouldn't be either. ;) I've already got the next chapter written so you won't have to wait too long. I hope you guys enjoy!**_

Despite Rachel's docile nature towards everything that's not Broadway, she is actually quite stubborn; that's why, much to Quinn's horror, after hearing who she'd be living with she becomes furious.

"I am not living with that woman. I refuse! It's just not going to happen!" Rachel exclaims as she frantically tugs on her jeans.

Quinn gapes at Rachel for a moment until she finally grasps what's going on. "Rachel, calm down. Hey! Don't do that!" Glaring at the discarded IV as she follows Rachel out of the room. "Where are you going?! Get back here!"

Rachel storms down the hallway, searching for the way out and absentmindedly ripping her hospital bracelet of and stuffing it in her pocket. She could tell Quinn was getting extremely annoyed and knows she has to get out as soon as possible; before Quinn called a nurse.

Which is why when she sees an open elevator she knows she had to act fast. Quickly stepping on, she hits the door close button and every other button in hopes of confusing the blonde. She knows she was being completely childish and very irrational but they can't really expect her to live with Shelby after she rejected her, can they?

The elevator stops at the lobby and five people step on. One of those people just happens to be Shelby, sending Rachel into a panic. She quickly puts her hood up to shield her face and prays to whatever deity that may be listening to let the elevator move faster.

After what felt like an eternity it finally stops at the parking garage where Rachel can make her escape. Scurrying off the elevator, past the car barriers, and onto the street, Rachel breaks out into a brisk jog.

Even though she feels like the star of a bad action movie, she still feels quite guilty. Quinn's concern seemed quite sincere, and if it truly was she is going to be a lot more worried now. Pushing those thoughts aside, Rachel breaks out into a full out run seeing as she was merely two blocks away from her home, if one could call it that anyway.

When she reaches her yard she decides to use the back door instead, just to be safe. Reaching into the plant by the door she grabs the extra key and enters as quickly as possible, going straight to her room.

Grabbing a duffle bag from her closet she begins stuffing random things inside as she goes through a checklist in her head: Panties – Check, Bra – Check, Shirts – Check, Pants – Check, Socks – Check, Pair of Shoes – Check, IPod – Check, Laptop Bag – Check, Elphaba – Check and, Fluffy the Lion – Check.

Suddenly there is a banging on the door downstairs; meaning Quinn, and probably Shelby, have found her. Slipping into her closet she settles herself behind the bottom rack of skirts. She could hardly be seen behind all the hideous clothing she despised.

Suddenly there's a loud bang in the other room, making her jump and smirk all at once. Before she'd taken refuge in the closet she had locked the door out of spite. If they wanted to find her, they'd have to work for it.

Somewhere in the background she can hear both women calling her name, desperate to find her. However, that was drowned out by one thought. _Leaving like that was totally badass. Perhaps I should do more things like that!_

The excitement she'd felt in that moment was indescribable. It was almost as exhilarating as singing, or how singing used to be before the world tumbled down around her.

Rachel shrinks down into the wall as the closet door is thrown open. "Rachel? Are you in here?" Quinn calls out, her voice cracking in desperation.

Shelby turns towards Quinn wearing a sad expression. "She's not here. I'm going to call the police. We have to find her; she could be out there somewhere, hurt. Lima isn't that big. God, I'm so worried about her."

Now Rachel is furious. Shelby doesn't care; if she did, she never would have left. In the days before Shelby's departure Rachel made it clear that she needed a mother. She assumed that after going to her for help with her costume Shelby would have seen that, but she obviously did not.

Eventually her stubborn side beats out her logical side making her forget about hiding. She stands up and steps out from behind the clothes, crossing her arms across her chest in annoyance, and glares at her mother. "I'm just fine, _thank you_. I think I know how to take care of myself; I have been doing it long enough."

Shelby flinches at the admission and Rachel smirks. Normally, she wouldn't have resorted to being so mean, but Shelby, or any parental figure in general, brings out a not so pleasant side of her.

"I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be but I'd like to work on it, Rachel. Now isn't really the time for this but I am sorry for all the pain I caused you. I want to try."

Rachel scoffs, she'd given her plenty of chances but Shelby only seemed willing to actually try when she found out how fucked up Rachel and her life truly are. _She pities me. _"No thanks, I don't need your pity. I'm better off on my own."

Shelby takes a step forward, pleading with the small girl with her eyes. "Please Rachel, I want to help. I do care about you."

A cynical chuckle bubbles in Rachel's stomach and escapes through her lips not only concerning herself but Quinn as well.

"The hell you do." Rachel growls out dangerously low.


	4. The Hell It Is

_**Hey Guys! Here's another chapter for you! I hope you all like it. I sort of have the next chapter written out but I still need to know what you'd like to see so that I can incorporate some of the things you'd like in here. I'd like to thank everyone who has given me an idea and I hope I have done justice with them. Also, I'd like to thank Gleek1990 for putting up with my crazy mistakes when I'm typing it to her. (Yes, I still use pen and paper. So much more fresh.) Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!**_

Quinn takes a cautious step towards Rachel, afraid of scaring the small girl. "Rach, I know you don't trust her and you don't want to live with her but what if they take you away? What if they make you move halfway around the county or something? I don't even have you yet but I can't lose you, please Rach."

Some of the anger leaves Rachel's body at the desperation in the blonde's voice, though she doesn't let it show. Letting Shelby get the upper hand just is not an option, and her weakness for Quinn would totally tip the scale. Rachel directs her glare towards Shelby.

"I have a few stipulations." Rachel pauses and awaits Shelby's approval. At her nod, she continues. "I will not transfer schools, I value privacy so I will require a bedroom with a lock on the door, and you will not treat me as if I am your daughter. I do recognize that technically you only abandoned me once, but I am not your daughter. I don't care how much your guilt and pity tells you that you want me, because you gave that responsibility up. Also, do not expect me to speak to you unless it is life or death."

Clearly fighting back tears, Shelby nods her acceptance nearly making Rachel blow her act and frown. She'd been cruel in hopes Shelby would refuse and just disappear again, leaving her to live in her own home again. That clearly wasn't happening. She'd have to live with her mother.

"Well then, lets get this show on the road." Rachel says with fake enthusiasm and strolls out of the room humming Highway To Hell.

* * *

Rachel stares up at Shelby's two-story home with a scowl as she waits for Shelby to unlock the door. The house seems it be mocking her. It is a typical family home, painted a soft blue with white shutters and a porch running along the entire front part of it. On one side is an old porch swing, the paint looks like it had been chipped off in some places and peeling in others but it made it charming. Despite hating everything that had to do with Shelby, she adores this house.

Sitting on the other end of the porch is an old, worn rocking chair. Rachel clears her throat in a failed attempt at clearing images of her and her mother on this porch throughout her life as she walks into the house. Those things never happened and never would.

"This is the living room and through there," She points to her left, "is the kitchen. I didn't know what you eat so I bought a bunch of different vegan things. We can go shopping later. Also in the kitchen is the door to the basement. The basement doubles as the music room. There are various instruments down there and I'm sure you're familiar with most of the sheet music in there as well. The room is soundproof so don't worry about being too loud. Down the hall is a bathroom, guest rooms, and my office so..."

Rachel smirks at Shelby's awkward trail off. She'd been counting on the tension of her silence and just prayed it would either make Shelby reject her or give her peace. Rachel slowly trails behind Shelby up the stairs and takes in the pictures as they go. The first one is a family portrait containing Shelby, an older couple, which Rachel assumes is her parents, and a pair of college-age kids that look to be twins. The picture makes her sad, that would be her family if her mother hadn't been a surrogate.

The second isn't much better. It's the exact same photo just a few years in the past. Shelby looks to be college age this time, the twins are nearing in their teens but not quite there yet, and her parents only had hints of gray in their hair.

The third contained a ten-year-old Shelby and baby twins. They were posed the same way but this time Shelby wasn't looking at the camera. Instead she was staring at her baby siblings. The love and adoration in those tiny eyes is physically painful to Rachel. That was how Shelby is supposed to look at her and now there's only pity and disgust.

Rachel takes a deep breath and continues up the rest of the stairs, only glimpsing the last picture of a baby Shelby. She couldn't stand seeing the family she never had. One look at Shelby told her that the woman wants to explain but she shakes her head, silently asking her not to try.

When she steps into her new room, she's actually surprised. She'd been expecting a typical guest room: bed, closet, end table, and TV. Though those things are in there, there is also a desk, and a wooden chest at the end of the bed. "I didn't know what you would want, so I just got a desk. I figured you could decorate later, if you wanted too." Rachel shrugs, she doesn't want to be there at all so why would she bother to decorate? "Well, I'll leave you to unpack. Dinner will be ready soon."

Rachel breathes a sigh of relief when Shelby finally leaves and quickly shuts and locks her door. Going over to the bed she finds a hospital bag containing her belongings. She'd been in such a rush to leave she didn't grab her phone or keys and to finally have them back is fantastic. As she scrolls through her missed calls she reclines against the pillows on her bed. 10 calls were from Quinn, 8 were from Shelby, and there was at least one for every glee member. Next, she decides to go through her missed texts first.

Tuesday Nov, 6th 6:05pm Noah: Jew babe, you okay?

Rachel rolls her eyes at the question. Of course she's not okay.

Tuesday Nov, 6th 4:45pm Santana: Berry, you best be okay.

Tuesday Nov, 6th 4:43pm Brittany: Get better Rachie. Miss you!

She smiles slightly at that, she'd always had a soft spot for Brittany; everyone has a soft spot for Brittany. There were a few others from the Gleeks but one really caught her eye.

Tuesday Nov, 6th 3:05pm Mercedes: Stop being such a drama queen and get over it! Stop being so damn selfish and think of the team.

Before she'd opened the message, she'd had a bad feeling about it but decided to press on. By the time she was halfway through reading the message, she was livid and utterly depressed creating a dangerous as if purposely adding fuel to the fire her mind starts to take her back to the pictures on the stairs and the unlikely scenarios from the front porch. The next thing she knows she is smashing the desk chair against the desk, causing them both to break into pieces.

Stomping over to the window she forcefully pushes it up and starts shoving the broken pieces out of it. Ripping the sheets from her bed she throws them out of the window and moves onto bedside table and chest. They were easy to toss and she made quick work of them. Being in a room full of things Shelby bought just isn't an option for her. It was pity money and completely suffocating.

She stands by the window psyching herself up for the next thing that is to go out of the window, her. Well, it would have been if Shelby hadn't chosen that moment to break down the door. Knowing her window of opportunity is closing she scrambles to make it out but is yanked back inside by a strong hand. Shelby sets her on the bed and disappears for a moment before coming back with nails, a hammer, and a screwdriver.

Rachel glares at her back as she pounds four nails into the window frame. Rachel's glare intensifies as Shelby turns and starts unhinging the door.

"This is for your own good Rachel." Immediately face palming at the corny line Rachel mumbles into her hands,

"The hell it is."


	5. What The Hell Did I Do

_**Hey guys! Sorry for being so long but I had some beta issues but I'm back. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think and what you'd like to see. Thanks!**_

Exactly a week later Rachel is sprawled out on the floor writing and composing music through garage band when Shelby knocked on her door. She doesn't look up though, she never does. When she said she wouldn't talk to her it apparently meant she wouldn't look at her either. "Rachel, I need to discuss something with you so please at least nod."

Rachel nods and Shelby sighs. Raising a teenager was not easy. "My parents and my siblings are coming for Thanksgiving. We always spend the holiday together. They'll be here this afternoon, alright?" Rachel stiffens at the mention of the holiday but nods anyway, so Shelby continues. "I'd appreciate it if you would meet them and spend some time down there. They're excited to meet you."

Rachel scoffs and rolls her eyes but nods anyway. She could spend a few hours with her almost family, how hard could it be? After finishing her song she gets up to take a shower. She wanted to be presentable after all.

A shower and three outfits later Rachel finally settled into the overly fluffy recliner in jeans and a long sleeved tee. Just as Rachel opens Temple Run the doorbell rings and a moment later she hears, "Shelly!" shouted in unison by the twins.

Rachel cringes as everyone comes bounding into the room. She nearly laughs at the girl doing the running man backwards into the room but by a miracle, remains stoic. Well, until said girl plops down in Rachel's lap making her squeak in surprise but she quickly gets herself together and scowls causing the older woman to jump up off her. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!" She turns to her sister with a pout, "Shel, why didn't you warn me?"

Rachel sighs and sinks further into the chair. I'm not that bad, am I? She decides that she is that bad when Shelby completely ignores her. "Sorry Sheryl, I didn't think you'd be that much of a dork." She teases.

Rachel looks over to the others and finds herself depressed. Shelby's father looked to be quite laid back and had a giant adoring smile on his face as he looked on with amusement sparkling in his eyes. Her mother was a small woman, her hair was graying, and her sharp features had gone a bit soft over the years which made her look kind. "Behave girls." Her eyes shone with the same amusement as her husband's but the unmistakable flame of love only a mother could show was there.

Quickly averting her eyes to the other twin she can't help but roll her eyes. He was the typical pretty boy from head to toe. He sported the same 'do' as every guy, gelled and spiked in the front, and wore a blue stripped Hollister shirt, American Eagle khaki pants and Sperrys. She almost gags aloud at his obvious submissiveness to society. She manages to prevent the action but finds she held his attention anyway. "Hi, I'm Sheldon and you must be Rachel? You'll have to excuse these two goofs." He laughs and points to Shelby and Sheryl. "Shelby has told us so much about you, it's so great to finally meet you." She smiles up at him, though it looks much more like a grimace and ignores his outstretched hand.

Sheryl laughs at his rejection. "Don't mind him, under all that 'charm'," she uses air quotes around the word and leans in to stage whisper the last part. "He's really just evil." She scowls at him playfully and pulls him into a headlock to deliver a very familiar noogie.

Shelby's mother rolls her eyes at her children. "Behave children." She then turns to Rachel and smiles softly. "Please excuse them. They're all teenagers at heart. I'm Elizabeth and this is my husband Harold, we're Shelby's parents. It's wonderful to finally meet you." Rachel smiles slightly at the woman and shakes her hand.

She'd almost expected her to introduce them as her grandparents and she appreciated the fact that she didn't. However, the comfort she felt in that moment didn't last long. Just like every day since she'd been with her mother, Rachel was silent. Though instead of Shelby attempting to bond with her and get her to talk, her day was spent goofing off with her siblings or talking about their lives. Rachel understood that her mother wanted to spend time with her family but a little inclusion wouldn't hurt.

Rachel didn't help the situation though. She'd taken to playing games on her phone and going against her more humane ways downloaded an app to kill zombies. She may or may not have pretended the zombies were the people in front of her. She felt bad about it of course but justified it by claiming it was self-defense. The only time she was acknowledged was when Shelby asked if she wanted something to drink, she just shrugged.

The Corcorans were nice people but they only brought bad memories for the young diva. On many occasions throughout the day she'd wanted to poke her own eyes out and burst her eardrums but on one particular occasion she wanted to bolt out the door and never look back.

Sheryl had just plopped down in her father's lap and wore a pout that could rival her own. "Daddy, tell mom she has to make extra stuffing this year, pretty please?" He laughs and presses a kiss to her forehead as she juts out her bottom lip even further. "Honey, you know I can't tell that woman anything. You're just going to have to help make it."

As the memory flashes through her head she scowls at her phone and attempts to kill the zombies in the most gruesome manner, decapitation. Another memory shuffles through her mind and suddenly she doesn't care how they die just as long as they do.

A six year old Rachel climbs up her daddy's lap to lay her head against his chest and pout up at him. "Daddy, will you make dad teach me how to play Don't Rain On My Parade, please?" She whines.

Her father chuckles at his daughter's antics and places a kiss against her forehead. "Now darling, you know your father never listens to a word I say so how about we make him our special sugar cookies and bribe him?"

As she feels the familiar sting of tears welling up in her eyes she gets up and leaves as discretely as she can. She needed to be alone and after trying to jump out the window Shelby doesn't let her be for long. Maybe she won't notice for a while.

As she sits down at the piano she lets her fingers glide across the keys until she finds the notes she's looking for and quickly loses herself in the music. Though as she continues to play and watch the slide show of memories flowing through her mind she misses Elizabeth standing at the top of the stairs watching her.

As the last note rings out Rachel calmly walks to the guitar stand and plucks it off the stand. Expecting her to play another song Elizabeth takes a step on the stairs as to not disrupt the girl. However, as Rachel brings the guitar down on the piano, smashing the blue beauty to pieces, she realizes just how wrong she was. So when Rachel took the guitar stand and started pulverizing the piano she is snapped out of her shock and goes to find Shelby.

That doesn't stop Rachel though; it only made her work harder. When Shelby finally descended the stairs the piano was completely ruined. Broken pieces of the expensive instrument were scattered all across the room but that wasn't her main concern. The first time she met Rachel she knew she was kindhearted and very loving but the girl standing in front of her was not that Rachel. The people in Rachel's life, including herself, had reduced her emotional state to resemble the piano, broken and lost.

Shelby put her hands on Rachel's shoulders in a desperate attempt to stop her but causes Rachel to panic. The rational part of her brain tells her she's safe and that it's just Shelby but her survival instincts are much too strong and she lands a brutal blow to her mother's jaw.

Shelby stumbles back with her face cradled in her hands and stares at her broken daughter. Rachel looks around the room as if seeing it for the first time and as the metal stand clangs to the ground she finally realizes what happened. "What the hell did I do?"


	6. What The Hell Do I Do Now

_**Hey again! I am updating now as an apology for taking so long for the last chapter. It'll probably take longer for more but we'll see how it goes. Make sure you tell me what you think and what you want to see and maybe I can get them out faster. Thank you all for reading. :D**_

Rachel had considered bolting. Everyone was stunned and she knew she could make it up the stairs and out the door before they even realized she was gone. She'd never even have to look back, but one thought stopped her. Her fathers had run from her.

It was that thought that routed her to her spot and made her refuse to leave. She wouldn't be like her fathers. She'd be better than those men and endure her punishment however harsh it may be.

However, Shelby was still cradling her throbbing jaw and stayed silent. It was her father who finally stepped forward and attempted to take charge of the situation. "Young lady you are in serious trouble! What you did was uncalled for and childish. You don't treat your mother or her things this way. I want this room spotless and a written apology to everyone here by the end of the day, do you understand?"

Despite the aching in her jaw Shelby stepped forward in Rachel's defense. "Dad, back off. It's really none of your business."

Shelby was cut off by Rachel's raised hand as she stepped more fully into the man's personal space to poke a finger into his chest. "She is correct. This is none of your business. I dreamed of meeting you people. Of the day that my mother would rescue me and take me away from a life without love and I would get to have a family, but that didn't happen until she found out I'm a charity case. I don't know you so don't try and discipline me like I've always been in your life. You are not my grandfather. You mean nothing to me." Rachel practically screamed.

"Of course Quinn fucking Fabray couldn't just let me die. She had to torture me a little longer, huh? Dammit, I wish I was dead." She whispered as she sunk to her knees and began to sob. The admission felt foreign to her. She'd never told anyone anything like it and even if she had it would have been welcomed with relief. It felt oddly liberating to do it but it didn't change anything. She knew that she wasn't getting better from one rant and she still wanted to die. It just eased the pain momentarily.

Shelby soon followed her and attempted to wrap her arms around the broken girl. Rachel, of course, fought it and tried pushing her away. It was another foreign concept. She'd cried many times before but there was no one to hold her and tell her it'd all be okay. Finally, she gave in and let her mother hold her. "Shhh, it's going to be okay just calm down."

When Rachel realized that everyone was still downstairs and undoubtedly feeling sorry for her she reduced her crying to quiet sniffles. She didn't need or want their pity. It only increased her desire to be gone.

Shelby stood up and brought Rachel with her. "Alright everyone, we've got dinner to finish, back upstairs!"

When they finally made it upstairs Shelby sat Rachel in the recliner she had previously occupied. "Just sit here and watch the game or play on your phone okay? We need to talk about this. Let me get everything in the oven and we'll go upstairs and talk, okay?"

Rachel nodded but kept her eyes on the floor. She didn't want to see the disappointment that would be in her mother's eyes. Her body didn't always listen to her though because before she knew what was going on her eyes had flicked up to see concern instead of something bad.

When Shelby finally left Rachel unlocked her phone and began playing Temple Run while completely ignoring the other people in the room. She could feel their eyes on her but she refused to give them the satisfaction of her looking back. It was just like high school in a way. She got embarrassed and then everyone had to look at her. It kind of pissed her off.

Shelby was back before it could annoy her too much though and soon Rachel was sitting on her bed staring at the wall beside Shelby's head. "We've got to talk about this Rachel. What happened?"

Rachel shrugged noncommittally. She didn't really want to talk about it and they both knew it. "I know you don't want to talk about it Rachel but let's just get it over with. I know we don't really know each other and you don't really like me but we live together now. We need to be able to cohabitate."

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and looked Shelby in the eyes for the first time since she'd come to live with her. "Just tell me what my punishment is and go. I don't want to talk to you."

"Fine, the first part of your punishment is to clean the basement up. The second part is that you will go to therapy. You need to talk to someone and if you won't talk to me then this is all I can do." Shelby sighed and stood up. "Dinner will be ready soon. Assuming that you won't want my help I would suggest cleaning up your hands. The first aid kit is under the sink in the bathroom."

At that Rachel looked down and saw her bloody and splintered hands. She found it kind of funny how the pain hadn't registered and how she sort of liked doing what she did. However, when she looked back up to Shelby and saw the forming bruise across her jaw, she felt a little bad. "I'm sorry," she blurted out, "for hitting you."

"It's fine." Shelby said hesitantly. "Well, it's not fine but I understand. What I did was wrong Rachel but I honestly thought you had two loving parents at home and that you wouldn't need me. I clearly didn't look hard enough and I am unbelievable sorry for that but I never would have done that if I had known what was going on. I always wanted you Rachel. I never expected to fall in love with you when I agreed to your father's stipulations but I did and there was nothing I could do." Shelby sighed as she wiped away the tears forming in her eyes. "I know I said that you're not the baby girl that I left but I don't care. I want to go to the mall with you and see you off to prom and help you fill out college applications. I want to be your mother."

Rachel turned her head to the side seemingly dismissing her mother but in reality was hiding her own tears. "I believe I have held up my end of the bargain. I spent a few hours with your family so I believe it's time for my end of the deal. Thanksgiving isn't really something I celebrate so I will not be attending the meal."

Shelby sighed but relented. "That's fine. I will put something for you to eat in the microwave. Come get it when you're ready. I do love you Rachel and I am so sorry for the damage I have done. I hope that you will one day forgive me."

As Shelby left the room she heard Rachel whisper. "What the hell do I do now?"


	7. What The Hell

_**Hello everyone! I wrote a new chapter and was anxious to update so here it is! I hope you guys like where the story is headed but don't worry anything could happen! Tell me what you think and what you want to see and I will try to fit it in. :D Oh, and please review! I will keep you no longer, enjoy!**_

Shelby hurried into the kitchen after having a mostly unsuccessful talk with Rachel and started lining up marshmallows on a sweet potato pie that would soon be going into the oven. Finally, after successfully ignoring her families curious stares, she could no longer take it and asked, "What do you want?"

"What the hell was that?" He father demanded, asking the question that was on everyone's mind.

"It was nothing." Shelby said as she turned around to check on the turkey baking in the oven. "The turkey is almost done and I haven't even finished the pies yet, someone want to help?"

"It was clearly something Shelby. Tell us, now." He demanded again but this time Shelby knew she'd have to tell him something. She didn't want to divulge all the details she knew Rachel wouldn't want anyone to know so she'd have to figure out a way to make what she said stick because her family obviously didn't know when to mind their own business.

"Rachel has hand some problems at school and at home and she thought the only way to deal with it was to end it. We are working on them together and that is all I will tell you. That is probably all Rachel would tell you if she would even talk to you so please everyone, leave her alone." Shelby said as she made eye contact with everyone to get her point across. Except for Sheryl who was staring off into space and rubbing at her wrist which Shelby just shrugged off.

While everyone was distracted with preparing the food Sheryl, ignoring her sister's demands, snuck away to stand in Rachel's doorway. "What's up kiddo?"

Rachel sat up immediately, glare firmly in place. "Go away."

"Ah, come on. I thought we could have a nice one sided conversation. Don't worry, I'll supply the verbal. You just sit there and work your eye dagger magic." Sheryl smirked in victory as a corner of Rachel's mouth twitched in an almost smile. "May I sit?"

Rachel scooted back on her bed to lean against the wall and shrugged.

"Thank you." Sheryl said as she sat down Indian style to face Rachel. "Okay kiddo, let's start over as friends. I get that family isn't something you take comfort in and we haven't been around but I'd really like to know you and I'm sure you could use someone to talk to. Nothing you say to me will get passed on to someone else okay? What do you say?"

Rachel shrugged again. She didn't really want to talk to her or listen to anything she had to say but she couldn't get past one thought. "Do I really want to be alone for the rest of my life?" She asked herself silently.

"Awesome. Now don't be mad at your mom but she told us a little bit about what caused everything earlier. She didn't say much because she didn't want to violate your privacy but what could be taken from it was that you tried to kill yourself. Now, I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone else but I've been there." Sheryl confessed as she unconsciously rubbed her thumb across the inside of her wrist.

Rachel raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What happened?"

"Well," Sheryl began, "It's probably nothing compared to what you're going through but at the end of last semester I fell in love. We decided not to tell anyone until we figured out what exactly we were. About a month or so ago I told my parents and they didn't take it so well coupled with the fact that I may have bombed a test. I couldn't deal with it but I eventually realized that I just needed to stand up to them and love whoever the hell I wanted." She said with a huge grin spreading over her face.

"So, you're gay?" Rachel asked and when the other woman nodded she was surprised to feel relieved. Maybe she'd finally have someone to talk to about her feelings. "Me too but I kind of fell for someone I wasn't supposed to."

Sheryl's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why weren't you supposed to?"

"Well, ever since I was little the other kids picked on me but when we got to high school it got worse. They discovered slushes and I was their main target. Quinn is the head cheerleader so she was one of my tormentors, but after glee club it wasn't so bad from her." Rachel said, sadness tinting her voice.

"Does she know you like her?" The older woman asked.

"Yeah and she feels the same way but we can't be together yet. We've got a lot of issues to work through first, if she sticks around anyway." Rachel sighed at the revelation. Of course Quinn wouldn't stick around. No one ever did.

Sheryl smiled and patted Rachel on the knee. "If she really cares about you she'll wait and when the time comes I'll help you get the girl okay? How about, since tomorrow is black Friday, we hang out while everyone else goes shopping and invite this girl over?"

Rachel smiled, it was just a tilt of her lips but Sheryl would accept it anyway. It was the most positive emotion she'd seen on the girl since they'd gotten there. "I'd like that. I mean if Shelby will go for it."

Sheryl smiled mischievously. "Oh, she'll go for it."

Rachel was confused. With one smile she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. She was excited. It was extremely weird for her but she sort of liked it. Maybe spending time with this woman wouldn't be so bad after all. "What's your girl like?"

"She's blonde and absolutely gorgeous; she's really smart like I'm not really sure how someone can be so smart, she also has a beautiful singing voice that she's very serious about, and she's really funny when she relaxes. Did I mention she has a rockin' bod?" Sheryl smiled and wiggled her eyebrows, implying the worst.

Rachel let a small giggle escape. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have someone she could just let go with. Someone that could make her laugh and feel things she hasn't felt in years even if it only lasted a while. Maybe it was better than nothing. "She sounds great. She reminds me a lot of Quinn actually. May I meet her one day?" Rachel asked nervously.

Sheryl grinned. "Of course! She'd love you and I think you'd really like her too."

"What's her name?" Rachel asked curiously.

Sheryl sighed dreamily. "Aubrey Fabray."

"What the hell?!" Rachel nearly shouted.


	8. What The Hell Is Wrong With You

_**Hey everyone! I am updating in honor of Glee being on tonight. I hope you guys enjoy this. I certainly enjoyed writing it and I can't wait for you to see what I have planned for the future! :D Please review and let me know what you think. :)**_

By the time the next day rolled around the awkwardness had subsided. Sure, Rachel still thought it was a little odd that they were both into a Fabray but she could live with it. It could actually be considered relieving. She no longer had to worry about being judged by Quinn's sister or her mother in that aspect of her life.

Her aunt had loved it. She thought it was really cool that they had something else in common. Rachel, however, didn't think it was that amazing that they both liked hot blondes considering a lot of people everywhere had the same taste, but then again Rachel was a realist.

By the time the next day, which just so happened to be the day Quinn would come over, rolled around Rachel was completely freaking out. She had no idea what to wear. It was almost four in the afternoon and she was still in her robe.

It took her a while but she finally settled on a pair of black jeans, a red tank top, and a red flannel over shirt. When she finally deemed her appearance worthy she slowly strolled down the steps attempting to not look anxious. Just as she stepped off the last step she heard the doorbell and Sheryl call out. "Got it!"

Sighing Rachel plopped down into the recliner she'd been occupying the past few days and waited as Sheryl got the door for Quinn.

After a few minutes of waiting Sheryl finally entered the room but behind Quinn there was another person and Rachel knew exactly who it was. "Wow, you were right."

"Right about what?" Quinn asked and shot Sheryl a questioning look at the giggles erupting from her.

Rachel blinked but kept staring at the woman behind Quinn. "Your sister is hot."

"Rach!" Quinn stage whispered as her cheeks grew hot. She'd never heard the girl say something so outrageous. Well, unless she was talking to Finn but under those circumstances it was understandable. Finn was a giant oaf and sometimes the only way to get through to him was to be outrageous.

Rachel slowly and very reluctantly peeled her eyes away from Quinn's gorgeous sister to look at Quinn. "What?"

Her sister laughed at the blush deepening on Quinn's cheeks and gently placed her hand on her shoulder in a comforting yet condescending way. "What's the matter Quinnie? Afraid your little girlfriend might have a crush on your big sis?"

Quinn scowled and crossed her arms across her chest. "She's not my girlfriend Aubrey. I've told you that!"

Aubrey sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Whatever Quinnie the Pooh. Now, I was told I was in store for some fun so where is it?"

Sheryl stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's waist and grinned. "Well, I figured we could play some games and then when it gets later we'll watch a movie or something."

At this Aubrey smirked which made Quinn nervous. She knew that look. "Well, let's introduce these girls to an actual game of truth or dare not that stupid drinking shit they play now a days"

After gathering up all of the needed supplies which included: blankets, pillows, drinks, buttered and unbuttered popcorn, and a delivery order of vegan and non-vegan pizza they were all sitting in a circle on the floor preparing to start the game. All they needed was their first victim.

Aubrey grinned and turned to her left. "Alright Rachel, truth or dare?"

Rachel shrunk back at the odd look the older woman was giving her and whispered, "Truth."

Aubrey tapped her chin with her finger for a moment until a light bulb went off. "Who is your least favorite person and why?"

Rachel sighed. She didn't want to divulge something such as that in case it got back to that person. She mostly trusted Quinn to not tell the person but things happened. "Well, I guess Mercedes. She is a girl in our glee club. She is very jealous of my talent and can be quite mean."

Since everyone was fairly knowledgeable of the rules to the game Rachel thought for a moment before turning to Quinn. "Truth or dare?"

Quinn smiled. "Truth."

"Um, do you want kids? How many?" Rachel asked nervously.

Quinn blushed and bit her lip before answering. "Yeah, I'd like to have kids. I don't know how many. A handful I guess." Wanting to get the attention off her Quinn quickly turned to Sheryl. "Truth or dare?"

Being the more adventurous one Sheryl obviously chose, "Dare."

Quinn hummed and stayed silent for a few minutes. She wanted to give a really good one. "Describe someone in the group in less than ten words, everyone guesses who it is."

Sheryl grinned widely. She knew just who to describe. "She's hot, has an amazing voice, and has an adorable smile."

Quinn was the first one to guess. "Well it's obviously Rachel."

Rachel blushed and shook her head. "No it's totally you!"

Aubrey sighed and held up her hands to quiet the other girls. "No girls, it's obviously me."

Sheryl scowled at all three. "Thanks a lot! Actually, it was all of us. Duh!" Sheryl turned to Rachel. "Truth or dare."

"Truth" Rachel said immediately.

Sheryl smiled mischievously at Rachel and winked. "Who is the best looking person you know. Not a celebrity!"

Rachel blushed a deeper shade of red than her shirt as she mumbled out a quick answer. "Quinn." Rachel looked to Aubrey. "Truth or dare?"

"I think I'll go with truth." The older woman declared.

"What is your dream job?" Rachel asked.

"That's easy. I'd like to be a doctor." Aubrey answered immediately. "Qunnie, truth or dare?"

Quinn glared at her sister and answered in a challenging manner. "Dare." They'd grown up playing this game and had never failed to make it interesting.

"Okay little miss innocent I dare you to answer the door in your underwear when the pizza delivery guy gets here which should be any time now." Aubrey smirked triumphantly at the look on Quinn's face. It was by far the worst dare they had ever given but there was no way Quinn would be backing out.

Quinn smiled sweetly and directed the question back at her sister which was answered with a truth. Quinn stopped to really think. She had to exact her revenge somehow and she knew just the question. "What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?"

Aubrey growled and swore under her breath. Of course she would ask that question but all was fair in love and sibling warfare. "Projectile vomiting on the first three rows at last year's ICCA's championship."

Quinn smirked in victory. Her sister hated that memory and it was even more embarrassing to talk about. Quinn's joy was short lived however when the doorbell rang. "I hate you Aubrey." Quinn said as she quickly stripped out of her shirt and jeans to reveal a matching pair of lavender lacey underwear.

"I love you to Quinnie." Sheryl handed Quinn the money to pay the man and Aubrey handed her thirty more. "Tip the lucky guy." Aubrey said and stuck her tongue out at her younger sister as everyone got up to follow Quinn to the door and discretely watch what happened.

Quinn padded her way towards the door and slowly let it swing open. She sighed at the shocked look on the local boy's face. She'd have to deal with him when they got back to school.

After a minute of standing there and holding out the money for the kid to take and not having it taken Quinn sighed and grabbed the pizzas from his hands, shoved the money in his pocket, and slammed the door in his face.

When she turned around she saw all three girls giggling and huffed. "It's not funny! Come on, let's eat."

When they got back into the living room Quinn pulled her clothes back on and Sheryl popped in a movie. Rachel surprised herself as she moved closer to Quinn and whispered in her ear. "You're beautiful."

When she pulled away she was delighted to see a blush quickly spreading up Quinn's neck and onto her cheeks. She'd never had the guts to tell anyone that before and she found it felt sort of good especially when Quinn whispered her thanks.

"Okay girls," Sheryl began as she opened the boxes of pizza and turned out the lights, "let's get some food and watch this movie. It's a few years old and a bit of a thriller but it's great."

They all grabbed a slice of pizza and sat back in their respective seats to enjoy the movie. As they movie began they saw a girl applying make-up and when they camera zoomed out they were all shocked to hear Rachel say. "Dude, she's hot."

Quinn's head whipped to the side to glare at Rachel. "What the hell is wrong with you?"


	9. Oh Hell To The No

_**Hey guys! Here is another chapter! I hope you enjoy it. I certainly have enjoyed writing this story so far. Review and let me know what you think.**_

Thanksgiving break had finally ended and it was time for Rachel to return to school and that terrified her. Everyone would know what she did by now and something would definitely go wrong, but she didn't want to ask to transfer schools so she put on a brave face and picked out her clothes for the day.

Quinn had sent her a text the previous night promising to pick her up for school so that Rachel wouldn't have to walk and so Quinn could keep an eye on her at school. That also made Rachel nervous. Walking into school with the head cheerio would be noticeable and possibly harmful. So, unsure of whether or not she would be slushied she put on another animal sweater and short skirt. There was no sense in ruining her good clothes.

At seven sharp, Quinn's designated time, there was a honk outside that told Rachel she was finally there. Rachel pulled up the handle on her rolling bag and slowly made her way out to the car but there was something different. Something that made Rachel stop just before she got to the car. It wasn't Quinn's car and Quinn wasn't sitting in the driver's seat, Santana was.

She was scared. Sure, Santana had sent her a fairly nice text after she got out of the hospital. Well, it was as nice as Santana could get but she was still pretty sure the Latina hated her. After a minute the window rolled down. "Come on dwarf get in."

Rachel slowly got in the car, putting her bag between her legs, and buckled up. She was sort of disappointed. Quinn had promised and she had actually been looking forward to it. Cautiously, she looked over to Santana to see the girl obviously fighting with herself about something. What it was she could not figure out.

As they started going down the street Santana sighed and started speaking. "Sorry I'm not Quinn. I asked her to let me pick you up. I, uh, needed to talk to you so don't be mad at her okay?" Rachel nodded signaling for Santana to continue. "I don't do this often but I, um, wanted to apologize for making fun of you and stuff. I just got so caught up in protecting Britt that I forgot other people have feelings too."

Rachel sighed and picked at the sleeve of her sweater. It was a nice enough apology but, "Thank you Santana. I appreciate the apology but I just do not believe I am equipped to accept it at this moment. However, I do appreciate that you are trying."

Santana blew out a puff of air and ran her hand through her hair. "Listen short stack I sort of know what you're going through. When we first moved here we couldn't speak much English so we got made fun of a lot but I guess I developed a different defense. I figured strike before they strike you was good enough for me. That's, uh, all I wanted to say."

Rachel nodded slightly and looked out of the window at the passing houses. "It is very much appreciated Santana thank you." The rest of the ride was slightly awkward and silent except for the quiet music spilling from Santana's speakers.

Thankfully it lasted only a few moments until they were pulling into the school parking lot and walking inside, side by side. The whole school stopped and stared as they two walked in. It was obvious that everyone knew by the way the jocks and cheerleaders were smirking in their direction.

It all made Rachel tense and the eyes on them made her skin crawl. She'd always enjoyed attention but at this point in her life she wished she was invisible. Suddenly she felt a hand on her back guiding her to her locker and everyone suddenly scurried back to whatever they were doing except for the few ignorant people anyway. When she looked over and saw the death glare that exceeded the HBIC look she knew she had to give Santana at least a fraction of a chance. The girl was trying, she could give her that.

The rest of the day was the same. People stared at her until they saw one of the three cheerleaders walking next to her. It sort of drove her nuts though. After every class one of the three Cheerios were waiting at the entrance of the classroom the escort her to wherever she needed to be next. It was stifling. She did not need a babysitter.

Though there was one weird encounter with Brittany that she wasn't quite sure about.

_Like the other girls Brittany had showed up outside her classroom door to escort her to where she needed to be but one of many differences was that Brittany had immediately pulled her into a hug and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Hey Rachie!"_

_Rachel smiled sweetly. She wouldn't be mean or sad around Brittany. The girl was far too nice for her to act like that so she pushed down her insecurities and hugged her back._

_That wasn't the weird part though. It was all so typically Brittany that Rachel hadn't thought too much of it. It was when they pulled apart and Brittany suddenly produced a yellow rubber ducky holding a record and wearing oversized headphones and pink sunglasses that shocked Rachel._

_Not too much of course because ducks were also something that was just so Brittany but it was what she said when she handed her the toy that surprised her. "Sanny said you're sad right now so I got you a ducky. I like duckies. They always make me happy so I got you one to cheer you up! Oh and look! She's a musical ducky just like you!"_

_Rachel had smiled her first real smile in that moment. Brittany's innocence and sweetness was just so adorable that she couldn't help but smile at her as she accepted the duck. "Thank you so much Brittany! I love it! I'll keep it with me all the time!" _

_Brittany had smiled and linked arms with Rachel to walk to her next class. "Ducks are so cool! You should come with me and San to the park this week and feed the ducks! That'd be so much fun!" Rachel had just chuckled and agreed and went on to listen to Brittany talk about her love of ducks._

Other than that small issue her day went surprisingly fine. She wasn't slushied and she hadn't heard anyone call her any names. Well, maybe Santana but they were friendly. It was definitely too good to be true and it gave her a bad feeling.

Rachel was standing next to the big and slightly annoying whiteboard Mr. Schuester was always writing on looking over some of the things on the shelves when she heard someone clear her throat from a few feet away. When she turned around her sixth sense flared. Standing there was Mercedes and Kurt with their hands on their hips and glares full power.

It was Mercedes who finally spoke. "Are you happy now? You've got everyone at you beck at call, is that what you wanted? Do you have enough attention now?"

Rachel stared at her with her mouth hanging open. It couldn't possibly be real. It was the first time all day she hadn't had a cheerleader with her and she was verbally attacked. It just didn't seem fair and that infuriated her. So, fulfilling her desire she picked up and eraser off the whiteboard that always seemed so asinine and chucked it at the other girl.

She smirked victoriously when it hit her square in the face but unfortunately she was hit with the soft side of the eraser. "Oh hell to the no!" Mercedes roared.


	10. Author's Note

_**Hello everyone. I am sorry to say that this is not an update. I have gotten a few reviews that I felt needed to be answered and I am going to do so now.**_

_**Erika and Renata, I understand your concern. When I first started this fic it was only a one shot and I didn't really 100% plan on continuing but I was able to write more and I have been able to since. I have asked for what you want to see mostly because I wasn't really sure where I was going with this. However, I have now figured out the endgame of this story.**_

_**I understand where you are coming from. Normally, Rachel would not immediately forgive but she is a forgiving person and even though she is hurt and devastated by their actions letting them think they are forgiven is part of a projection. If you have read more stories like this then you know that most of the time the hurting character puts a mask in place and pretends to be a certain person. Well, in this story Rachel seemingly forgiving them is part of her mask. I had hoped that it would be noticed but I suppose not.**_

_**The process I am writing about is very complicated. Being hurt enough to practice self harm takes strength that unknown. It would be easier to pick death. With self harm you have to continue to live through the pain and heartache but you choose to stay because somewhere deep down inside you want things to be different and sometimes pretending is the best way. That is what Rachel is doing here so just because it seems as if she has forgiven them doesn't mean she actually has. **_

**_Now, I hope you all continue to read this because I have fantastic plans for this that will be worth the read and sometimes wait. If any of you have any questions feel free to pm me and ask what you need. I will attempt to further explain but I will not give away any spoilers into what is to come._**

**_Thank you for reading,_**

**_Cheybaby_**


	11. What The Hell Are You Doing

_**Hey again! I'm really excited about this chapter! I loved writing it so I hope you love reading it but I really can't understand what the fucking hell I'm doing. ;)**_

Rachel hadn't stuck around to see the aftermath of the thrown eraser. Luckily, Santana had stepped in and blocked Mercedes' path to her. That gave her a little more respect towards the Latina, she was really trying.

However, when Rachel arrived home she had come down from her adrenaline high. She found she was actually quite depressed. _So that's what people think of me_ she thought to herself.

It wasn't pleasant to know that people thought she did it all for attention but the thought had crossed her mind. The only reason the unholy trinity were even paying her any attention was probably so they could pull some elaborately thought out prank on her and completely destroy her.

"Well, you can't destroy something already in pieces." She thought aloud as she made her way to the bathroom upstairs. Shelby wasn't home and wouldn't be until an hour or two later but she refused to take any chances.

Locking the door and sinking to a seated position against the tub Rachel pulled her make-up kit from her bag and rolled up her sleeve to see the angry pink scars already marring her skin.

She knew no one would question why she wore long sleeves. Everyone already knew what she tried that day so she was free to make new marks without seeming suspicious.

As she drug the blade across her arm she thought of the words Mercedes had said and dug the blade into her skin deeper. For some reason that she could never really figure out the abuse she received was okay. It was always unicorns and rainbows when someone was bullying her but if it was someone else they were all gathering to protect that person. It made no sense and made her cut more frantically until her arm was bathed in red.

Letting the blade fall to the floor Rachel watched the blood flow from her arm and onto a towel previously placed on her lap to catch the overflow. She'd definitely be washing that. She could vaguely hear knocking coming from downstairs and figured it was Quinn.

So, standing up on wobbly legs she moved to the sink to wash off the blood before wrapping it tightly in gauze. As OCD as she was she never applied Neosporin, infection appealed to her.

After changing her shirt, just in case, and securely tossing away the used blade she made her way down to the persistent knocking and came face to face with Santana. The shock showed clearly on her face and it made Santana smirk. "Surprised to see me midget?"

Rachel just nodded dumbly, unable to find her voice for a moment. "What are you doing here?"

Santana sighed and scratched the side of her face out of nervousness. "Well, I saw what happened and I thought I'd check on you. Mercedes is a bitch and you didn't deserve what she said to you. I had some words with her and Q is dealing with her right now. So, you gonna make me stand out here all day?"

Rachel bit her lip in thought before opening the door wider. It was clear that she was unsure about inviting the girl into her hell, I mean home, but she acquiesced anyway. "Sorry." Was all she said.

Santana just shrugged as she examined the pictures on the walls on the way into the living room. She'd only ever heard Rachel and Quinn talk about Shelby. Quinn had said Rachel looked just like her but she never knew just how much until she saw all of the photos of Shelby and her family.

Santana didn't say anything though. She figured Rachel wouldn't want to hear it so she just continued on to stand awkwardly in someone else's home. "So, are you okay?"

Rachel shrugged as she mentally calculated her answer. Santana would be able to see right through her bullshit and she knew it but she couldn't help letting the generic answer escape her lips. "I'm fine."

Santana crossed her arms across her chest and leveled a glare at the smaller girl. "I'm not good with this emotional shit but I know that I can't force you into telling me the truth or talking about it so I won't, alright?"

Rachel nodded. "Thanks."

Santana sighed and wrung her hands together. It was much more awkward than she had anticipated and she had no idea what to say.

"Do you want something to drink?" Rachel asked. It was awkward for her too but she luckily had a way to defuse it slightly.

Santana nodded so Rachel turned on her heel to head to the kitchen with Santana following behind her. As they passed through the hallway something caught Rachel's eye so she stopped and leaned over to grab it off the table on the other side of the doorway wincing as the tape holding the gauze wrapped around her arm caught on her shirt and pulled the wrappings away from the wound.

Rachel held her breath as she waited. Surely Santana had seen the wince and she would be up for question. She knew Santana was already suspicious but she had just confirmed it and the results of her demise.

"I knew it!" Santana exclaimed as she flipped the small girl around and pinned her to the wall and attempted to pull the sleeve up. Suddenly, she felt Rachel's lips on hers and her mind was wiped clean.

Despite the offending nicknames Santana always seemed to come up with she had always secretly thought Rachel was beautiful and had longed for the moment she could kiss her. It was better than she imagined. Rachel's lips tasted of Cherry lip balm and were soft and the way Rachel's fingers slipped into her hair blew her mind. She wasn't sure of anything at that point. Rachel had turned her brain to mush. Well, until she heard the most cock blocking sound ever.

It was a very angry Quinn Fabray. "What the hell are you doing?!"


	12. What The Hell Is Going On

_**Hey! I apologize for the short chapter but it is what it is. I hope you enjoy it! Please review!**_

Santana quickly backed away with her hands held up in defense. Of course Quinn wouldn't see what happened just moments before Rachel assaulted her with her hypnotic lips. "It's not what it looks like!'

Quinn scoffed and threw her hands up in the air. "That's what they always say! Of course it's what it looks like! You were kissing Rachel. MY Rachel!"

Santana blanched at that. Quinn was beyond angry but she wasn't even giving her a chance to explain. "Whoa, hold on a minute there. Just calm down and listen!"

Quinn growled and moved further into the house to stand just a few paces away from Santana. "You know how I feel about her! How could you?!"

Santana growled back. "Will you just listen to me?!"

Quinn shook her head, obviously not wanting to hear a word the Latina had to say. "I've been patient. I gave her space and friendship and support and here you are just going for it! I'm just trying to do what's best for her. That's all I want!"

Santana stepped forward slightly and said in a much calmer voice, "I know that Quinn. I want what you want so I want what's best for her too, okay?"

Quinn sighed. This was all way too difficult for her. "Well, what are we going to do?"

Santana stepped forward, leaving Quinn no wiggle room unless she were to step back, and put her hand on her hip. "We have to work together to make sure she's alright. There's no way that we could do it alone."

Quinn nodded as she thought over what Santana said, "You're right, if we want to make sure she knows she's loved it'll take both of us."

Santana leaned in and rested her forehead against Quinn's, "And we need to deal with people at school. There's no way we can let another day like today happen. It's just not good for her or us in turn."

"How do we do that?" Quinn asked, "How do we protect her when we can't always be with her?"

Santana shrugged and looked a little nervous, "I have a solution, but I'm not sure how much you would like it."

"It can't be any worse than what's going on now." Quinn informed Santana with a quick nod of her head.

"Well," Santana began, "we could make sure that everyone knows that Rachel's ours. You really like Rachel, I really like Rachel, and we really like each other so why can't we make it official. If everyone knew she was dating the both of us then they wouldn't dare bother her."

Quinn was silent as she considered what Santana was saying. Did she really want to date both of them? Was that the type of relationship she saw for herself? Quinn had always known that Santana had liked Rachel, the naming calling was so like a child pushing their crush on the playground, but did Santana really like her that way. Did she like Santana that way, enough to create a stable relationship with both girls? The more the blonde thought about the problem the more she realized that not only would it be good for the tiny diva, but it would be good for all of them.

Quinn nodded her head to finally answer Santana's question. The Latina let out a sigh at the acceptance and leaned in kissing Quinn to seal the deal.

Suddenly out of nowhere Rachel's voice broke through. "What the hell is going on?"


	13. What The Hell Rachel

_**It's sort of short but oh well. I hope the people that have stuck with me enjoy the update. Thank you and enjoy.**_

Santana and Quinn pulled away at Rachel's voice. They had completely forgotten where they were but since they'd been interrupted they seemed to come back to earth. Santana looked Quinn in the eyes for a moment before turning her gaze to Rachel's arms.

Quinn was slightly confused so she just raised her eyebrow but was treated to the same weird eye movement. Quinn let her eyes move to Rachel and then back to Santana in confusion. What the hell was she trying to tell her?

Santana sighed and widened her eyes and quickly flicked them between Quinn and Rachel's arms. She knew Quinn was kind of slow but she didn't think she was _that_ slow. She wasn't quite sure what else she could do to make it clear enough for the blonde.

The blonde looked the small brunette over and tried hard to figure out what Santana was trying to show her. It took her a few minutes to see the small dots of blood that dotted the girls sleeve. Quinn's eyes widened and she looked at Santana again. The Latina just nodded her head before tilting it in question. Quinn firmly nodded her head yes, and at that both the girls moved toward Rachel in unison.

Quinn pulled up the sleeve and gasped at the blood stain rapidly growing on the hastily applied gauze and quickly turned her gaze on Santana's worried brown eyes. They had been naïve to believe that Rachel would stop hurting herself. They'd been stupid to think that she was even remotely better.

Holding back the tears building in her eyes Quinn decided to ignore Rachel's displeasure and drug her upstairs with Santana following right behind them. They'd have to bandage Rachel's arms again and possibly stop the bleeding.

When they finally got to the upstairs bathroom Quinn pushed Rachel to a seated position on the toilet lid and began looking for the first aid kit. When she finally found it she flipped the top open and set it on the counter while Santana set to work on removing the soaked gauze.

As Quinn ran warm water over a washcloth Santana pulled Rachel up, sat on the lid, and pulled the small girl into her lap and gently ran her fingers through her hair and smiled when Rachel relaxed into her.

Quinn took Rachel's hand in hers and squeezed, offering some much needed reassurance, as she began wiping away the dried and still flowing blood. Once the blood was gone and it had stopped seeping from the angry red wounds Quinn gently applied the anti-infection ointment and tightly wound the gauze around it.

Quinn smiled at Rachel and caressed her cheek lovingly before moving back to the sink to rinse the washcloth out. Quinn held her hand out for Rachel to take and smiled when she did and led her to the girl's room.

They had a lot to talk about but neither Quinn nor Santana thought Rachel was ready for the seriousness of what they'd need to discuss so Santana climbed onto the bed and pulled Rachel against her while Quinn curled up on her side with her head on Rachel's chest.

What they didn't hear was Shelby's car pull up, her keys jingling in the lock, or the slightly loud footsteps on the stairs. They definitely didn't see her standing right outside of Rachel's bedroom door when Santana started kissing her or when Quinn began leaning in for her turn.

Shelby was furious and slightly confused. Weren't those girls evil to her? She knew Quinn was trying to apologize and that she loved her but what about the other girl? She would not be letting this whole… thing get any further than it already was. "What the hell Rachel?"


	14. Rachel What The Hell Happened

_**Well, this is it. The bittersweet ending. I hope you guys really enjoy this and I apologize for anyone that didn't want to stick around but you gotta remember, everything happens for a reason!**_

Shelby moved forward in the room with her hands on her hips and her mom/uptight bitchy show choir coach look on her face and watched as Rachel slowly and obviously reluctantly pulled away from Quinn to look at her mother. "Yes?"

Shelby sighed with displeasure and stared at the girls encasing her daughter. "Get the hell out of my house!"

Santana and Quinn looked at Rachel and when they received a nod they gently extracted themselves from the smaller girl, placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and left Rachel to deal with the irate woman. "May I help you with something Shelby?"

Shelby winced slightly at the use of her name but recovered quickly. She had to stay tough. "What's going on here?"

Rachel sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. "Well, my girlfriends were cuddling me after a hard day at school but considering you decided to be discourteous and interrupted I am conversing with you which I supposed was apparent but I presume not."

Shelby glared at her. She shouldn't have really been expecting anything less than her daughter to be so sarcastic. "I don't approve of this, at all. What the hell happened to waiting and letting them apologize? Weren't those girls some of your main tormentors?"

Rachel sighed again and tapped her finger on her chin. "Well, I could ask you something rather similar. What happened to you not speaking to me unless it was life or death and not treating me as your daughter?"

Shelby growled quietly and crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not what we're talking about right now. I don't want you seeing those girls."

Rachel smiled sweetly and pulled herself off of the bed and grabbed her keys off her bedside table. "Don't be such a hypocrite. You're not better than them. You leaving played a part in my destruction as well. Sure, you didn't know what was going on but neither did they. All they knew was that I just let it roll off my back."

"I regret what I did and I am trying to make up for it but those girls caused you so much damage Rachel. They'll only hurt you in the end. You can't possible love them or even like them. I'm just trying to look out for you." Shelby said softly.

Rachel thought about it for a moment. She never really considered the facts. Yes, they made her life hell but they never threw slushies or harassed her violently. They only ever called her names which could be accounted to the school yard policy and they were there for her when she really needed someone. The only conclusion she could come to was, "I love them, maybe not the way they love me yet but I do love them and I want to be with them so goodbye."

With that Rachel glided past her mother and down the stairs. She heard Shelby following her and her pleas for her to stay but she valiantly ignored them and kept moving towards the garage where her car was parked. She didn't drive it much and she was fairly certain no one even knew she owned one but she did.

Just as she was starting down the street she looked back at the driveway to see her mother with a slightly heartbroken look on her face. She had expected an angry expression but one never knew with Shelby Corcoran. Sighing, Rachel took out her phone and dialed Santana's number.

After Shelby had kicked the girls out they decided to go back to the Latina's house since her parents would most likely be at school and Quinn didn't want to deal with her mother at the moment. They'd expected a phone call but not only ten minutes after plopping down on Santana's king sized bed. "Hello?"

"San?" Rachel asked quietly. She was desperately trying to hold in her tears. She was extremely tired of the critics and their opinion on her life.

Santana sat up immediately and put the phone on speaker. "What's wrong Rach? What'd Shelby say?"

"Sweetheart, tell us what's wrong. We're here for you." Quinn added.

At that, Rachel's tears began to fall. How could they not? She finally had someone to care for her even if she wasn't exactly sure if they'd always care she had them for the time being and that was enough for her. "I'm coming over. We'll talk about it when I get there but I just need to tell you something now. I-I lo-"

That was all she said before they heard a blood curdling scream and the crunching of metal. It was instantly obvious as to what happened and Quinn began to sob while Santana practically screamed into the phone, "Rachel, what the hell happened?!"

_**Go read this! s/8972306/1/The-F-You-Are**_


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